Confession #2

I sometimes get tired of life.

Well, I think we all do. I sometimes reach the point where I just stop, stare and wonder what life really is about. I sometimes even think that we’re just pawn pieces in a big world of chess. Sometimes I question everything that’s been happening around me. I don’t know. When I lie on my bed every night, I always have this thought that we’re just machines, advanced machines. We’re programmed to think like this, to live, to struggle, to keep on going on, and to never stop dreaming about the future and what life could offer more. And for those people who stop and give up, something might have happened to their “wires” so they just suddenly shut down. Some may not survive but some may because they have someone to help them fix the problem. Weird, right?

I don’t know. I just think like this sometimes. I feel that whenever I’m in this state, my soul leaves my physical body and explores around. Sometimes I feel like daydreaming, eyes wide open but not really being there. And then, poof! I just come back to reality every time.

But is this reality really is “the” reality?

Well, I may be thinking too much. Overthinking may really kill me one day. That’s for sure. So don’t be surprised when that really happened. Maybe that’s when I finally found a way to the real one. 
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They fly, they transform

They strike in every way possible

They die, oh no they don't

They live in dust, in pain, and in our soul

-men. 

Confession #1

I still sometimes think of my first love, Andrei.

They say that you won’t forget your first love whatever happens. You may fall in love with somebody else or end up with another but still, your first love will forever hold a special place in your heart. I believe in this.

Others may end up with their first love, but most won’t. It will always be just a memory planted inside your head, reminding you of things you may or may not miss. I don’t miss him. I don’t long for him. I don’t wish for him to return. My mind usually does things that make me think of him. I dream of him every now and then. I remember him in some situations or whenever I see or hear things. In those times, I feel so nostalgic. I feel thankful for him. There’s a big possibility that we may not end up with each other and that’s fine. I’ve accepted that fact for a long time already. I did. I think my mind really likes to play games with me, to tease me. And I let it. It is fun remembering him. I feel happy I met him. He will always have a room in my heart and I’m more than happy to let him. He’s my first love after all.
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Crumpled and old
Like a forgotten paper,
A person of my past
Long long ago,
But undeniably
Irreplaceable.

-men.