Last night, I realized I may not be a fan of "being one" with a partner. Not in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Maybe not even in marriage.
There are times when I think of this thing. I think of what I'd feel and what would happen. I wonder why people do it, why some people think it's a necessity, and why most think it's essential in a relationship especially in marriage. Well, marriage is a different thing but in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, why do some people demand it like the extent of their relationship depends on it? Why? I don't understand. Do people really seek it that much? Is it that difficult to control oneself? Is the urge too strong that one can't say no to it? I don't know.
I have some friends who told me that there are times when you really want it bad. Some said I'll just know I'd like to do it when I'm emotionally ready. Some said it just happens like it's a natural phenomenon. Ugh. I don't know. The idea of it disgusts me to the point that I'd rather die alone than to be in relationship where that deed is inevitable. This may be the reason alone why I won't have someone in my life.
I told myself before that I'll never do it with my partner until I am married to him. So in my past relationship, that was a major condition. I know men tend to have their urges. I know sometimes they look for this or worse, expect their partner to say "yes" to this. Well, I don't have a problem with that. They can have it but not with me. They can look for another girl who's willing to give it. If he cheats on me, it's fine. If this will be the reason of our break up, it's fine. I won't bend over backwards just to make him stay. I'd rather break up with him than break my principle.
But then last night I realized I may not be a fan of it completely. Not in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Maybe not even in marriage. And maybe not even at all.
I'd rather not enter a relationship where someday even after marriage, I won't still consider to do this with my husband. I'd rather not have someone expect something from me that even after he patiently waited, I still might not have the heart to do it.
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it's best to stay away
than risk it
leave it, never take it.
better yet, don't even look at it.
- men.
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