mo dao zu shi dump

this post will be more like a stream of consciousness. i just want to express my feelings, my emotion towards chen qing ling or the untamed or mo dao zu shi in its entirety. it's been so long since i've felt this kind of emotion towards something. i can't really express how it is but it's like feeling everything all at once, all at the same time. my heart, my body, my entire core cannot take it all. i feel like i'm bursting. i feel like not feeling the reality and feeding myself this fantasy world as a whole. for a month, i've done nothing but to fangirl about this world. the characters. the story. the casts in the drama. the osts. everything. i feel like crying every time but i just can't. i want to hug it, to give it my everything. the dedication is there. i can't seem to put it down. i can't seem to move on. i can't seem to look at another dtama, another story, another cast. my eyes, my heart, my soul just want them. nobody else. it's like i'm in this haze. i just float. if this is how drugs are, then i'm in it. totally. i have fallen down this hole and not willing to climb up. i want to stay in this hole forever. it seems like reality is my fantasy and this fantasy is my new reality. it is very unhealthy but i'm willing to be in it. 

oh xiao zhan. oh yi bo. wei ying. lan zhan. you're the main reason i'm in this mess. no, not mess. i'm quite grateful for this experience. for this world. for this feeling. you are both perfect. you're the reason i'm still here. without you, i think i'm still the same me. since you came into my life, i've laughed, i've smiled, i've been excited. i love how you fit each other. i love how you are to each other. you make love and relationship worth it when you are with the right person. it's something i know you have and i'm happy to witness it with you. i've already given up on meeting someone but you make it something to be envious about. it's like i want what you two have. it's like i also want it for myself. i know i don't and won't have it but i'm more than happy to see you both have it. it's more than enough. my heart aches when i read your story, may it be in the novel, or drama or in real life. i wish you stay with each other until the end. i wish life will give you all the blessings that you deserve. i won't wish to have it. i just wish that whatever slight blessings i have in love will just be given to you both. i just love you so much. you deserve each other so much. 

mo dao zu shi, you are a wonder. you are the perfect scenery i'd like to see every day. you are forever etched in my heart and you will always have a special place in it. the story is so chef kiss that every single character is well-written. i've fallen in love with the writing. with everything. oh, to read your story. my heart aches for you. my heart goes for you. my heart is for you. i don't care if some people do not appreciate you. my appreciation for you is mountainous that no one can beat it, no one can top it. 

 

i wish i have seen you earlier but i think the timing is perfect. you are here when i need you the most. i'm in my loneliest time and you lightened up my days. you saved me literally. you just did not save me once. you are saving me still. even though my breaks knowing that you have ended, i am still grateful that you are still there. you've given me memories that will forever be treasured. thank you so much. 

xiao zhan. yi bo. you are the perfect actors for the main characters. we, the fans, will forever be grateful that you fought for it. i can't express how much you mean to me these days. you keep me going. you are both the energy i need to wake up these days. you are both the most essential beings in my life today. whatever relationship you have, i wish you both the best. if it's true that you are in a private relationship, i will support you until the end. i wish you can someday see your wishes come to life. 

thank you for everything.