Daily Stoic series: Day 2 and Day 3.

Day 2: Education is Freedom. 

Gaining knowledge about something really is liberating. It makes you realize or consider things that did not interest you before. It gives you an opinion on things that confused you before. You understand things better and, therefore, understand the why and how things happen. 

Reading has always been a hobby of mine since I was young. I grew up reading almanacs, atlas, dictionaries, story books, picture books, the Bible, anything that I can get my hands on, I'll read it. It made me happy to learn new things, real or not real. As I grew up, I slowly leaned on fiction books. Most nonfiction books are used in school, so I got tired of them. So when I had free time, I'd bury myself with stories outside reality. I used to have a very wide imagination. I'd imagine a lot of things and play by myself, even talk to myself - yeah, I was weird. Anyway, whenever I read new stories, I'd be so happy that my imagination would run even wilder. Is that how drugs make you feel? 

It may be a stretch but I think this is my take in this lesson. I may need to widen my horizon, try to pick up a wider range of books so I'll know myself more. This will also help me have an opinion on things I don't have interest in or do not really know. I need to think about where I stand in some things so I won't be influenced too much by others. 

Day 3: Be Ruthless to the Things that Don't Matter

Know what really matters from those that do not. Don't be impulsive. Don't be swayed by strong emotions. Don't decide on something right away. Stop and think before saying YES. Don't hesitate to say NO to insignificant things. Regulate your emotions and control them. They don't control you.. 

Two things that I need to know from this lesson:

1. Know what matters. 

2. Don't be impulsive; control your emotions. 

Sometimes, I forget what really matters from those that do not. Because I don't want to throw anything away, I agree to collect even the trash, which makes it difficult to see the importance of gold. 

What is important in my life right now? What makes me happy? What are my priorities? I need to figure them out before my storage runs out. I need to contemplate. I need to stop, think, and then decide before I say or agree to anything.

Is it worth my time? Will it make me happy? Is it necessary right now? Will it have a big impact on my life if I don't agree or do it right now? Will I regret it? How will it impact my life, my future? Will I look back on this someday or will it just be something I'd forget in the long run? 

Right now, saving is important, yes, but I need to treasure life more. I want to see and experience different places. I want to be with friends and spend time with them. But I also need to slow down and take it easy. Yes, life is short and we do not know what tomorrow holds but I need to slow down. Yeah? Another thing is health, especially my mental health. My mental health is not great, I know, so I need to take care of it more. How can I enjoy life if all I see is negative, right? 

As for emotions, acting on strong emotions is dangerous. Too happy or too sad, or too angry. Regulate your emotions first, then think, and then decide. Same pattern. Yeah?

After you decide, and you know that they're not important, then learn to say NO. Only then will you see the beauty and value of the things that really matter. 

Daily Stoic series: Control and Choice

What are the things that I can and cannot control right now? What can I actively choose to make myself feel better? 

I cannot make him like me more. I cannot make him pursue me. I cannot make him to ask us to be official. And I don't think it will be happening anytime soon. 

Instead of thinking why he cannot do these things right now and why he keeps me in the backburner, I can make myself choose peace and just don't think about it. It's not an important thing right now. 

Well, I can actually remove myself from this type of relationship but I can't do it yet so I'll choose to focus on myself instead. I still enjoy his company anyway. I still enjoy our little talks. It's still fun, sometimes, so I'll just enjoy it while it's here and while it lasts. And while I'm enjoying it, I can work on myself instead. Focus on the things I want to do and what I can do more. 

Then what are they? 

I exercise 5 times a week and I can continue doing that. It keeps me motivated, active, and makes me good about myself. 

I may be low on reading right now because of reading slump but I can try to recover from it. I'll read slowly, just taking time to slide into it again. No rush, just try to read interesting things like this. I know someday it will be okay again. 

I can find a new hobby. It's a little difficult to find one right now because I'm not sure what I'm interested in but I know I can find one. Maybe getting into writing again, you know. I'm actually trying it again. I want to use my brain for better things rather than overthinking about trivial things. At least writing will do me good. Overthinking won't. 

I'll self-reflect more. It's good to get to know yourself better and think of where you stand on things. I have very poor opinions on things that matter. When people ask me about things, I do not have strong opinion on them which is very disturbing. Maybe because my attachment to this world is little, if not nonexistent, so maybe that's the reason why. I have very strong opinions that don't matter to may people but I don't really care about the things that matter. So, yeah, I'll try to self-reflect more. 

I'll fix my bad attitudes and make them good or at least acceptable. I'm still far from being a good person. It's good people cannot read my thoughts or else, they won't want to talk to me. It's all chaos in there, and sometimes it's just white noise. Sometimes I think it might crash, and sometimes I think it's too quiet, it's frightening. Anyway, yeah, I'll fix it slowly but surely. Identify first then work on a solution. It will be hard, I know but as long as I keep my mind to it, something will happen eventually. 

Highlighted lines in the the first meditation:

1. Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

2. As Epictetus said, they can control the choices they make right now. 

Reflection for today:

Sometimes, my mood towards him depends on him. It should not be like this. I should stop hesitating and just be myself. Just say whatever you want and express the things that you want to express, as long as they are in line. Don't let him influence your mood. Be you. You can't control him, and he can't control you. Don't be swayed. Fight for yourself elegantly and calmly. Use kind and firm words. Don't cower inside your shell.