I started to read SVSSS today and I decided to listen to The Untamed's OST while reading. It was a mistake! I can't focus on reading SVSSS as the memories of MDZS keeps on flashing back. I haven't watched the Donghua version of MDZS yet so what I was remembering were the scenes of The Untamed series.
As you all know, The main characters have their own OST in The Untamed. When I first realized that these songs are dedicated to each character - some actors also sang their own character's song, I was delighted. It seems that the characters were alive and telling their stories and emotion through this song. It was both heartbreaking and beautiful.
My favorite was, of course, the OST of Wei Wuxian, Qu Jin Chen Qing which was sung by Xiao Zhan. I like the voice of Xiao Zhan, but it was the message of the song that moved me. Well, all of the OSTs of the characters make me tear up. They are all fantastic.
Before I go through this song, I want to start with Bu Wang. It was a song dedicated to Lan Zhan. This song talks about the struggle of Lan Zhan between what is considered generally right and what is right for his heart. A battle between the mind and the heart. As we all know. Lan Zhan was raised as a model student/cultivator. His mind was instilled with the rights and the wrong, with what's considered right and wrong by the older generation or the public. Since meeting Wei Ying, his world has changed little by little unintentionally. But because he was still young, he didn't know how to handle this emotion. When he started to have feelings for Wei Ying and Wei Ying started to do things that were considered evil by the common people, he was convinced that Wei Ying was indeed being consumed by evil and he tried to persuade Wei Ying to stop, calm him down, and to even hide him in Cloud Recesses. He didn't know what else to do. He knows he wants to save him and be there for him but because of his principles, he cannot cross the line and be there for Wei Ying a hundred percent. With this, he lost him eventually and this became his life regret. Through this song, the pain can be felt. The immense pain after Wei Ying died and how he could have saved him devoured him over and over again. He might have tried calling his soul, punishing himself, isolating himself from the world because of this. I cannot imagine the regret and pain he was feeling. It must have killed him to live with this. So when he had the chance to meet Wei Ying again, he went all in. He did not hesitate anymore. He believed in him, supported him, and did not leave his side. He didn't care for what others will say of him. He didn't care if this will taint his reputation. All he cared about was being there for Wei Ying.
"I locked my feelings a long time ago when Mother chose to leave me. Since then, I thought nothing can terrify me anymore. However, in that Nightless City, when you stood at the edge of the cliff with tears flowing from your eyes, I never knew that a tomorrow without you in it will become my greatest fear. I saw helplessness in your eyes and I knew what you were thinking. I tried to talk you out of it, to persuade you to come back. I tried to run to you, to hold you up, to still persuade you, but your eyes showed me your pain. I knew then I wasn't enough for you to live anymore. It hurt but I didn't care. I just wanted you to come back, even if it was not for me. But, it was too late. I was too late."
"After your death, all I was able to see was my regret, my hesitation, my ignorance. I should have been there for you when no one believed you and when you are alone. I should have never doubted you. I can't imagine you being alone in that world when I could have been there. It was a miracle to have met you again. Knowing that you will be there when I reach out my hand is something I can't put my head around, thus, I will not waste it. This time, I will be there for you as long as you want to. You can treat me however you like. Always know that I believe you and I support you. Don't think that you will be alone again. Don't be afraid, I will always be here. For sure."
Okay. I am overflowing with Lan Zhan's feelings now. Too much. I can't bear the pain anymore. Hearing Bu Wang again made me remember the hardship of Lan Zhan and his dedication when Wei Ying came back. They were perfect for each other. They deserve each other. They deserve what they have. They deserve their happiness.
Since I poured out all my emotions, I do not have the strength to continue anymore. I'll come back when I have the emotions to continue this again.
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